Apex Self Defense

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Archive for the tag “funny mug shots”

Stupid Criminals Call 911 On Themselves?!?!

Pot Boy


When stupid criminals call 911 it’s never good. Here are a few hilarious examples of what happens when these criminal masterminds decide to use the phone.

IS GROWING MARIJUANA LEGAL?

When most criminals are unsure if their activities rise to the level of illegality, you’d think they would seek out the advice of an attorney, right? Well, not 21 year-old Robert Michelson from Connecticut. I guess he thought it might be a bit pricey to seek out legal advice the traditional way. So instead he decided to call information….911. Unfortunately for him he was off by 5 numbers. In most states, information is still 411.

Michelson called a 911 dispatcher and confessed that he was growing marijuana, but apparently he wasn’t trying to turn himself in. He simply wanted some legal advice on the penalties and fines for growing pot.

“I’m reporting a possible crime,” Michelson said, “I’m growing marijuana and I want to know how much trouble I can get in for one plant.”

After the dispatcher stopped laughing, she told him it depended on the size of his plant. Unbeknownst to Michelson, the police have, in their possession, some space age technology that allows them the capability of tracing 911 calls and tracking down the caller. Who knew? So as it turned out, it didn’t take long for the cops to show up at the stoned genius’s house and arrest him for possession, as well as several other charges.

The bad news for Michelson is he’ll be spending some time in the local jail. The good news is he got an answer to his question and didn’t have to pay for an attorney to get it.

CALLING 911 FROM THE HOME HE BROKE INTO

Timothy Chapek

Timothy Chapek

Who is the dumbest criminal ever? This guy!! Meet Timothy Chapek, 25 from Portland Oregon. He thought it’d be a great idea to break into someone’s house and……..take a shower! That alone is enough to get him into the stupid criminal top 10, but his next move may send him straight to number one. While he was lathering up with a loofha, he heard the homeowner return home. So what does he do next? Hide in the house? Climb out a window and run away? No, he decided to call 911.

The following is a transcript from the hilarious call:

Burglar: “I just broke in to a house, and the owners came home!”

911 operator: “Wait, you broke into a house?”

Burglar: “Yeah.”

Burglar: “They can hear me.”

At this point the homeowner, Hillary McKenzie, arrives and can be heard on the call.

Hillary McKenzie: “Why are you in my house talking a shower?”

Burglar: “I’m sorry. My name is Timothy Chapek.”

McKenzie: “Why are you in my shower?”

Clark: “I broke in…”

McKenzie: “Alright, I am calling the police.”

Clark: “I have already called them, they are on the phone, right now.”

<strong>She eventually called the dispatcher from her cell phone.

McKenzie: “He’s in the bathroom, the door’s shut, and he said he is there, and I said (laughing), ‘who the hell are you?.”

911 operator: “Did he sound like he was high or drunk?”

McKenzie: “Well, he is obviously nuts.”

Chapek was charged with trespassing, and he becomes the latest in a long line of stupid criminals who have called 911 on themselves.

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Funny Mug Shot T-Shirts

Some of the funniest mugs we’ve ever seen, usually include some moron wearing a hilarious T-shirt. So here they are, some of the best t-shirts ever in a mug shot;

Super Freak!

Subject: Craig T. Wellington
Crime: Petty Theft, Public intoxication
Profile: Dating Rick James?

Craig apparently thought it was a good idea to steal a case of Red Bull from the back of an unattended delivery truck on a dare from a friend. Is it any surprise that alcohol was a factor in this equation?

Unfortunately for him, getting arrested was just the beginning of his problems. Next time, Craig may think twice about his wardrobe decisions when he leaves the house. As a rule of thumb, you never want to give the wrong impression about your sexuality to a group of men who’ve been locked up without any female companionship for months or years at a time.

Although, Rick James passed away in 2006, I’m sure someone in prison will be more than willing to take his place. Don’t bend over for the soap Craig!

Idiot

You Can’t Fix Stupid

Subject: Laurence McGee
Crime: Indecent Exposure, Drug Possession
Profile: Placed 2nd in a 1978 Leif Garrett look-alike contest

Laurence had no idea how prophetic those words on his tee shirt were, one fateful night last August. The night started like any other Friday night for a swinging single dude, living in Seattle. Rush hour commute in traffic, a quick bite to eat, shower and shave and a trip to his dealer to buy some Rohypnol.

Laurence apparently had a fondness for the ladies that was not reciprocal. So this hopeless romantic decided he needed some help….chemically. He purchased the date rape drug, Rohypnol or Ruffies to help improve his odds of success.

He went to a local bar and met a potential prospect. When she wasn’t looking he slipped the date rape drug into her drink, or so he thought. Apparently he’d unknowingly put the Ruffies into his own drink by mistake. By the time police arrived he was in the parking lot, laying on the hood of a Honda Civic without any pants!

Luckily for us, mug shots are only from the waist up! Maybe we should introduce him to the Rick James guy?

Is His Title In Jeopardy?

Is His Title In Jeopardy?

Subject: Daniel Allen Everett
Crime: Sex Offender
Profile: Reigning “Worlds Greatest Dad” International Champion

Daniel Allen Everett, is not only the reigning “Worlds Greatest Dad” he is also a child predator who was arrested after attempting to have sex with a 14 year-old girl…..while wearing his World’s greatest dad shirt!!

It’s unclear how this will affect his chances at defending his title, but it definitely won’t help.

Daniel went from being a world champ, to an internet laughing stock overnight. Well Daniel, look at the bright side…You may have lost the World’s greatest dad title, but you’ve got a shot at World’s Stupidest Criminal.

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More Stupid Criminals

Father and Son Morons

British Colombia, Canada – Jesse Blue West and his son Dustin Moir, were arrested for murder. These geniuses spoke openly in the back of a police van about the murder and who should take the fall while knowing they were being taped.

“Watch what you’re saying, we’re being recorded,” said West, as they continued to discuss the crime in detail!. The case is being tried as we speak, but it doesn’t look good for these two buffoons.

No Getaway Car? Ask Your Victim To Call You A Cab

Staten Island, New York – Ronald Baker, 19, and an accomplice knocked on the door of an elderly couple and forced their way in when they opened the door. The criminals brandished a gun, and Baker forced the couple to the ground, and did the same to their daughter when she came downstairs.

The suspects ransacked the house, taking four watches, jewelry, a knife and an undisclosed amount of cash, whose total value exceeded $15,00. Before leaving, the suspects got the name of a cab company from the victims and called for a car to pick them up.

The victims had been shut in a closet “secured by a chair” but they managed to get out. They called police, who then contacted the cab company.

The Police were waiting for Baker at his destination and they caught him after a brief chase. Baker was charged with burglary and robbery, and his accomplice was caught later.

Zachary Pace

Pinson Alabama – 24-year-old Zackary Pace left Jack’s Restaurant after his shift ended, only to return minutes later in a pathetic attempt to rob the place. After finishing his shift he returned almost immediately armed with a gun, a mask on his face and wearing the same clothes he had on when he left! Apparently he didn’t fool any of his co workers.

His attempt at disguising his voice was apparently so bad that his co-workers told him to stop joking. Pace got away with an undisclosed amount of money, but his stupidity doesn’t end here. He showed up to work the next day as if nothing happened, just as police were conducting interviews about the robbery. He was arrested and charged with first degree robbery.

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Stuck In A/C Shaft, Hidden Cell Phone and Fake ID Fail. It’s Stupid Criminals!

Richard Anthony Smith


Thief Gets Stuck in Air Conditioning Shaft, Then Calls 911

Knoxville Tennessee – This is Richard Anthony Smith, 25, who called Knoxville cops to report a man who got trapped in an air conditioning shaft of a local museum. The man trapped in the A/C shaft? Himself!

Yep, Einstein got stuck while breaking and entering and called cops for help while concocting a lame story to justify why he was there.

From the roof, cops and firefighters found him stuck 50 feet down, in the ducts of the building’s ventilation system. He told police he was there to “defuse and confiscate” a Soviet-made nuclear warhead. Must have been part of some super secret government covert operation.

When he was arrested on charges of robbery he was overheard by cops saying, “”Mission failed.” You can’t make this stuff up!

Cell Phone Up the Rectum

Anyone see my blue tooth?

Austin, Texas – Another day, another cell phone in the rectum on death row story.

Prison officials conducting a routine shakedown of death row inmates, made a disturbing and disgusting discovery; a cell phone hidden inside the rectum of convicted murderer Henry Skinner.

Here is how it went down; During the shakedown two SIM ards were discovered in Skinner’s bible. SIM cards but no cell phone, naturally raised a red flag. Because Skinner had previously shown a propensity to …..Ahh…. be creative while hiding contraband, officials took him to the infirmary to run an X-ray.

There was no indication of how the cell phone was retrieved or who had to go and get it. Hopefully someone with very small hands?

Notice anything wrong?

Jackson, Mississippi – Meet Mario Andreas Gonzales Martinez. He’s just your typical 9 – 5 hard working guy who decided he needed to supplement his income to make ends meet. So, showing his entrepreneurial spirit, he came up with a great ID theft money making plan.

The Plan

Step 1 – Steal someone’s identity, get an ID made and open a bank account using said ID.
Step 2 – Steal someone’s checkbook, write check to stolen identity, deposit funds and withdraw the cash.

Sounds great on paper but this genius never made it past step one. He had a fake ID made, that actually looked genuine except for one little flaw; the photo. A driver’s license photo generally only has a photo of the person listed on the license! Mario used a photo of himself posing with his girlfriend. You gotta give credit to poor Mario for creativity but never underestimate a man’s stupidity!

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Stupid Criminals & Celebrity Mug Shot Look Alikes

If your school fight song is”Dueling Banjos”, you might be a redneck.

Joe-Bob MaGee

Siloam Springs Arkansas – Meet Joe-Bob MaGee from Arkansas. Joe-Bob has the unique honor of reaching two milestones; He has been married three times but still has the same in-laws and he happens to be a dead ringer for the banjo playing boy from Deliverance. Remember Deliverance? It was the movie about the four men who travel into the mountains and…ah…become acquainted with some good ole’ boys?

Deliverance Kid

Joe was arrested for residential burglary. He allegedly broke into a mobile home in the trailer park where he lives! Some of the items taken? A set of six Hank Williams 8-tracks, a stuffed squirrel, a siphon hose, and three packages of beef jerky.

Police were able to track him by following a set of shoe prints to his trailer. There was a heavy rainstorm the night before and the ground was still pretty muddy, thus preserving the tracks. I guess everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

KISS your freedom good-bye!

Eddie Deluccio

Los Angeles California – This is Eddie Deluccio, who just happens to look a lot like Gene Simmons from the rock band KISS. Eddie isn’t the smartest criminal around.

Eddie stole about fifty thousand dollars worth of gold coins from the trunk of a car. The coins belonged to a local coin dealer who was in route to a coin show and left them in his vehicle. Eddie appeared to have gotten away with it as the police had no leads and no finger prints.

Gene Simmons

Then Eddie went and did something stupid, he got arrested for a drunken bar fight. After he was arrested, he feared police might suspect him in the coin robbery. In a panic, he used the pay phone in the jail cell to call his accomplice and ordered him to “…get rid of the rest of the coins…now!”

Unfortunately for poor Eddie, he didn’t realize that jail cells are under constant surveillance and jail house phone calls are monitored and recorded. Well it didn’t take long for the police to put two and two together and realize which coins he was talking about. They traced the call, and located the accomplice and coins. Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Lucius Alexander

Need A Post-It Note?

Newark, New Jersey – Meet Lucius Alexander, petty thief, alcoholic and a Carrot Top look-alike. Lucius was arrested for perhaps the stupidest theft of all time, stealing 20,000 Post-It Notes?!?!

Do you know anyone who needs 20,000 Post-It Notes?

Well, apparently Lucius believed he could make a killing selling them, so he broke into a warehouse where they were stored and make off with a boatload of them. Oh it seemed like the perfect crime…until it was time to sell them.

Carrot Top

Lucius fancied himself an entrepreneur, so he set up a booth at a local flea market and tried to unload his new found inventory. Lucius sure didn’t think things through because the flea market was just two blocks from the scene of the crime and the burglary made all the local papers and the evening newscast.

Police reported no fewer than 23 calls that day from flea market shoppers who had heard about the heist. Witnesses say that when Lucius was arrested he was crying like a baby, all while proclaiming his innocence. God must love stupid people. He made SO many of them!

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Matthew McConaughy, Carl Fredricksen and Voldemort?

Fake Matt

Subject: Anthony Mahowald
Crime: Porn & serial peeping
Profile: Likes to wear mirrors on his shoes

Meet Anthony Mahowald, who just happens to bear a striking resemblance to actor Matthew McConaughey. However, the similarities end there.

He’s accused of using his cellphone camera to snap pictures under dressing room doors. Police say he’s also accused of setting up a hidden camera in a bedroom.

Real Matt

And in February, he was arrested for peeping through a window. He was caught when the homeowner went outside to pick up the morning newspaper and noticed some tracks in the snow.

He followed the tracks around to the side of the house to his bedroom window, where Mr. Mahowald was peering in the window watching his wife get dressed. The homeowner used a stun gun to subdue him. Police say they also found child porn on Mahowald’s computer.

Disco Fever!

Subject: Weston Howard
Crimes: Public intoxication
Profile: Loves the Bee Gees

This is 85-year-old Weston Howard of Central Florida. Ole Weston is a real life Carl Fredricksen from the Disney animated movie “UP”. Weston was arrested for several counts of public intoxication, indecent exposure, disturbing the peace and butchering an already lame song in public.

Carl Fredricksen

Howard was seen stumbling along the city streets with no pants on singing “Stayin’ Alive” and begging for cash. He was arrested, held overnight and released after he sobered up and posted bail.

Police knew he was intoxicated before they initiated a sobriety test because they knew that no sober person would sing Bee Gees tunes, at least not willingly. Police said Howard has been arrested before, he’s the harmless town drunk who wanders the city streets most nights mumbling and smelling of Nightrain. However, according to locals, he’s never been known to sing Bee Gees tunes before, he’s usually partial to Rick James.

Subject: He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named
Crimes: Burglary, breaking and entering
Profile: Likes puppies, sunsets and world domination

Phineas

Meet Phineas T. Cormac, 42 of Thomasville Alabama. Phineas was booked on residential burglary charges and just happens to be a dead ringer for Voldamort from the Harry Potter movies. Phineas apparently choose the wrong house to burglarize, for several reasons. Number one, the homeowner was home. Number two, the homeowner was a 350 pound ex-pro wrestler and marine who was an avid firearm collector. Number three, the homeowner was African American, and judging from poor Phineas’s Aryan tattoos, the homeowner wasn’t thrilled to see him.

Voldemort

What exactly happened to Phineas’s face is unclear to police, as both the homeowner and Phineas haven’t been forthcoming with details. However, police speculated that the homeowner caught Mr. Cormac in the act of burglarizing his house and put a quick end to it.

Police also believe that when the homeowner saw the burglar’s racist tattoos that may have motivated a more severe beating than was otherwise warranted. We think just having the name Phineas is enough to justify the butt kicking that he got. Let’s face it, no matter how tough looking your tattoos are, your name is still Phineas, right?

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Piggly Wiggly Bandit

An obese woman steals bacon and cheese from a Piggly Wiggly. Sometimes reality is funnier than reality TV.

Got any Bacon and Cheese?

Georgia – Back in May, An obese woman, Lonneshia Shafaye Appling, 26, apparently stole some bacon and cheese for her Atkins diet, from a Clarke County Piggly Wiggly and then used pepper spray to assault employees who chased her.

A customer noticed Appling hide some items in a canvas bag in her shopping cart, then pay for just one item at the checkout counter. When employees tried to stop her at the exit, she discharged her pepper spray into one of the employees’ face.

It gets better.

As she fled the store on foot, employees engaged in a slow speed pursuit (She is 340 pounds). Running at a full sprint, she realized the employees were gaining ground on her, despite the fact that they were walking at a causal pace. Hoping to lighten her load and gain some speed, she dropped a few stolen beer cans from her purse. When they caught up with Appling and spoke with her in an attempt to detain her for police, she punched one of the workers, then spit in his face. Hopefully this was before she consumed the bacon and cheese. She even offered them cash if they would let her go.

This wasn’t her first brush with the law, she was arrested in January for shoplifting at an store in Madison County. When the officer tried to take Appling into custody, she started taking her clothes off and told the officer she had AIDS.

As the officer struggled to cuff the…ah…..large woman, Appling continued her striptease until she was completely naked. She broke free from the officer, who eventually subdued her with a taser.

Appling is a sad example of what is becoming of our once proud nation; selfish, lazy, fat, apathetic, and a sense of entitlement.

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Celebrity Mug Shot Look-Alikes

More Cowbell!

Creepy Chris

Slightly Less Creepy Chris

Anyone familiar with the acting career of Christopher Walken, knows that he often portrays some very disturbing characters in his films. But when a real dude, who just happens to be a dead ringer for Chris, gets arrested for some Walkenesque creepy behavior, it makes one wonder; Is this art imitating life or life imitating art?

In April of 2011, New Jersey resident, Tony Kadyhrob was arrested and banned from several local universities for stalking college women. That is, until one of them showed of her self defense skills and took him down.

Tony fancies himself a ladies man and apparently believes that a middle age man with a bad mustache can be a babe magnet. Funny, that sounds a lot like the reoccurring character that Walken played on the “Saturday Night Live” skit called “The Continental”.

Victorious

Sikowitz

Psycho wits

OK now this one is weird. If you have kids, you’ve probably seen the Nickelodeon show “Victorious”. Sikowitz is one of the teachers on the show.

Not sure why anyone would want to look like this intentionally, even for an acting gig. It’s strange enough to find one guy in the entire universe with that hairdo, but two? Are you kidding?

Having a bad hairdo is not a crime, but neither of these two are scoring any brownie points with the Fashion Police either. I think this guy actually had straight hair until cops subdued him with a Taser.

Pippi!!!

Mr. Nilsson!

Pippi Longstocking

Well, speaking of bad hair……..You really have to wonder, what adult in their right mind would want to look like Pippi Longstocking? Especially a guy? What was this dude thinking? This guy will be very popular in prison. And what’s up with that shirt?

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Paris Hilton, Pizza, and Pepper Spray

A strange couple; Paris Hilton and……this douche bag!

A North Carolina man demanded pizza and Paris Hilton, but instead got a face full of pepper spray.

Cops say 61-year-old Fredrick Denny barricaded himself inside his room at a local Hampton Inn Saturday threatening to shoot at police.

The SWAT Team responded and shut down the second floor of the hotel as officers tried to reason with Denny. His demands included pizza and to marry Paris Hilton.

After hours of negotiating, cops were unable to convince him to give up voluntarily so they opted to pepper spray Mr. Denny and take him into custody instead. No word yet on whether Miss Hilton accepted his creepy marriage proposal. He was later taken to the hospital for a mental evaluation.

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Stupid Criminal All-Stars

We love stupid criminals, so here is our latest installment, enjoy!

Is That A Pair Of Socks, Or Are You Happy To See Me?

Obesity, Nudity, a Stun Gun and ...Socks?

Meet the new Walmart Greeter! An obese southeastern Pennsylvania man was arrested after cops say he walked, bare-naked into a Walmart and stole a pair of socks. And what naked man wants to walk around bare foot? After all, Walmart has a policy against bare feet in it’s stores!

Thirty-two-year-old Verdon Lamont Taylor was arrested after police say he stripped off his clothes in the parking lot and went inside.

Surveillance footage shows the 6-foot-4, 300-pound man strolling around the store. Authorities were forced to use a stun gun to subdue him after he refused to comply with officers’ orders. No word yet on where the stun gun was used on the suspect, but we can only hope it was someplace…….well, other than down there! Ouch! Hurts just thinking about it!

Facebook Fail

Facebook Is a Magnet For Stupid Criminals

This next guy makes naked/sock guy seem like a rocket scientist. A 19-year-old male broke into a home in West Virginia. While rummaging through the house looking for goodies, he realized he hadn’t updated his Facebook status recently, so……drum roll please, he figured, no better time than the present! It doesn’t take a genius to see where this is going.

When the homeowners arrived home, later that evening they discovered some valuables missing. They called 911, and while waiting for the police to arrive, went to their computer to let friends on Facebook know what happened. Well, the genius robber never logged out of his account! There was his personal info for everyone to see, including cops! The man was arrested, convicted of grand theft and is now spending time in prison getting poked, by his new friends.

Electricity and Gas Fumes…A Pleasant Combination!

Daniel Wood - The Human Torch!

Daniel Wood, started the night like any other Tuesday; inhaling some aerosol cans, huffing some gas fumes and running around in traffic. But this wasn’t just your run-of-the-mill artificially induced high, fire breathing, dodging Honda’s and Chevy’s type of night!

After eluding cops and on-coming traffic, the police decided to put an end to his shenanigans by using their taser to subdue him. Unfortunately for Daniel, the electrical charge from a taser and the fumes from the gas he inhaled mixed like oil and water, or more accurately like gas and electricity!

Predictably, Daniel caught on fire and the cops had to put him out and take him to the hospital for burns. A hospital spokesman stated that the burns were only superficial and Daniel would back to normal in no time. We would like to remind you that “normal” is a highly subjective term!

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