Apex Self Defense

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Archive for the tag “criminal”

Stupid Criminals Call 911 On Themselves?!?!

Pot Boy


When stupid criminals call 911 it’s never good. Here are a few hilarious examples of what happens when these criminal masterminds decide to use the phone.

IS GROWING MARIJUANA LEGAL?

When most criminals are unsure if their activities rise to the level of illegality, you’d think they would seek out the advice of an attorney, right? Well, not 21 year-old Robert Michelson from Connecticut. I guess he thought it might be a bit pricey to seek out legal advice the traditional way. So instead he decided to call information….911. Unfortunately for him he was off by 5 numbers. In most states, information is still 411.

Michelson called a 911 dispatcher and confessed that he was growing marijuana, but apparently he wasn’t trying to turn himself in. He simply wanted some legal advice on the penalties and fines for growing pot.

“I’m reporting a possible crime,” Michelson said, “I’m growing marijuana and I want to know how much trouble I can get in for one plant.”

After the dispatcher stopped laughing, she told him it depended on the size of his plant. Unbeknownst to Michelson, the police have, in their possession, some space age technology that allows them the capability of tracing 911 calls and tracking down the caller. Who knew? So as it turned out, it didn’t take long for the cops to show up at the stoned genius’s house and arrest him for possession, as well as several other charges.

The bad news for Michelson is he’ll be spending some time in the local jail. The good news is he got an answer to his question and didn’t have to pay for an attorney to get it.

CALLING 911 FROM THE HOME HE BROKE INTO

Timothy Chapek

Timothy Chapek

Who is the dumbest criminal ever? This guy!! Meet Timothy Chapek, 25 from Portland Oregon. He thought it’d be a great idea to break into someone’s house and……..take a shower! That alone is enough to get him into the stupid criminal top 10, but his next move may send him straight to number one. While he was lathering up with a loofha, he heard the homeowner return home. So what does he do next? Hide in the house? Climb out a window and run away? No, he decided to call 911.

The following is a transcript from the hilarious call:

Burglar: “I just broke in to a house, and the owners came home!”

911 operator: “Wait, you broke into a house?”

Burglar: “Yeah.”

Burglar: “They can hear me.”

At this point the homeowner, Hillary McKenzie, arrives and can be heard on the call.

Hillary McKenzie: “Why are you in my house talking a shower?”

Burglar: “I’m sorry. My name is Timothy Chapek.”

McKenzie: “Why are you in my shower?”

Clark: “I broke in…”

McKenzie: “Alright, I am calling the police.”

Clark: “I have already called them, they are on the phone, right now.”

<strong>She eventually called the dispatcher from her cell phone.

McKenzie: “He’s in the bathroom, the door’s shut, and he said he is there, and I said (laughing), ‘who the hell are you?.”

911 operator: “Did he sound like he was high or drunk?”

McKenzie: “Well, he is obviously nuts.”

Chapek was charged with trespassing, and he becomes the latest in a long line of stupid criminals who have called 911 on themselves.

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Mitt Romney, Tide and A Fat Prisoner – Weird Crimes

The Romney Robber

The Romney Robber

Sterling, Virginia – A Wells Fargo bank was robbed last week by a man wearing a Mitt Romney mask. The robber, brandished a handgun and stole money from several tellers before making his escape.

This same bank was robbed two years ago by a robber wearing a Hillary Clinton Mask.

However, it was fitting that this man was wearing a Florida State sweatshirt, given that the university has had a history of ah …… criminal athletes.

Tide, The Newest Drug Of Choice

Tide, The Next World Currency?

Forget The Dollar, The Euro Or Yen, The newest currency is…..Tide?!?!

Law-enforcement officials across the country have been baffled by the latest crime wave targeting an unlikely item — Tide laundry detergent.

Theft of Tide detergent has become so rampant that some cities are setting up special task forces to stop it, and retailers like CVS are locking up the liquid.

One thief in St. Paul, Minn., stole approximately $25,000 worth of the laundry detergent before he was arrested early this year.

Tide has become a valuable currency on the streets. The retail price is pretty high — roughly $10 to $20 a bottle — and it’s a staple in households across socioeconomic classes.

Tide can go for $5 to $10 a bottle on the black market, cops say, and some thieves even resell it to stores.

“We sent in an informant to buy drugs,” Prince George’s County, Md., Detective Harrison Sprague said. “The dealer said, ‘I don’t have drugs, but I could sell you 15 bottles of Tide.’ ”

So far, as of this writing, George Soros hasn’t tried to manipulate the price of Tide on the world currency markets…..yet.

You’ll Never Believe How This Prisoner Smuggled A Gun Into Jail

Who Needs A Holster?

A Texas prisoner was charged with smuggling 9 mm into prison. The gun was found during a routine check of the prisoner’s cell. While it’s not completely unusual for people to smuggle things into jail, it was however the unique method of smuggling that authorities were surprised about.

The prisoner admitted to sneaking the weapon into the jail by hiding it under the folds of his fat. The prisoner also admitted to smuggling in some KFC and a bag of pretzels.

Apparently, when you weigh more than 600 lbs., you’ve got plenty of nooks and crannies to hide a gun and ammo.

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Stupid Criminals – Pocket Dialing 911 In The Middle Of A Drug Deal

Hello?

Scranton, Pennsylvania – Justin Kryzanowski, 24, was a simple man. He was just your typical 20 something American guy. He liked football, hot dogs, apple pie and selling crack to neighborhood kids.

He was an entrepreneur who believed in customer service. So one day, while on a “sales call” to a potential client, Justin accidentally pocket dialed 911. His conversation with a customer named “Rick” involved phrases like “dime bag” and bong tokes” which aroused suspicions of the 911 operator who then informed police.

Police were waiting for Justin when he arrived home. The Scranton police noticed that Kryzanowski’s speech was slurred , and his eyes were dilated during their initial interview at his house.

They also discovered prescription drugs and syringes filled with Suboxone, an opioid dependence medication, inside Kryzanowski’s residence. Cops confirmed that Kryzanowski’s cell phone also matched the one used to dial 911 during the alleged drug deal.

Note to drug-dealers: A great technique to avoid getting busted by the cops is refrain from calling them on yourself!

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Woman Uses Bear Spray And A Bokken To Catch A Thief

Bear Spray

Bear Spray

San Francisco, California – Sonya Yu, a San Francisco woman decided she’s had enough of crime in her neighborhood and took the initiative to fight back. She was angry that thieves were stealing delivered packages from the doorsteps of her neighbors so she attempted to catch the suspect herself and she posted live tweets throughout the entire ordeal.

She armed herself with bear spray (an extremely powerful pepper spray used primarily as a bear repellant) and a bokken (a wooden sword the samurai used during training).

“My bear spray, bokken, & I are still not intimidated,” wrote Yu. “We keep bear spray by the door, so my plan is spray, call 911, & mutilate his junk.”

You gotta love this woman’s style! She definitely doesn’t fit the typical helpless victim profile.

Bokken

Bokken

When the suspect approached a seemingly unattended package at Yu’s door, She doused him with bear spray from the safety of her balcony. The man, who apparently was armed with a knife, fled immediately.

Yu called police and then pursued the scum bag with her bokken and bear spray in tow.

“He escaped, but not far,” she tweeted. “The bear spray debilitated him & painted him orange so other cops picked him up within 5 minutes. GOT HIM!”

She said that the police laughed hysterically when they saw her makeshift weapons.

Yu was hit with some Bear Spray blowback, but she thought it was a small price to pay for catching the krook.

San Francisco police identified the man as Andy Anduha, 51. He was charged with attempted burglary and outstanding warrants for traffic violations, police said.

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Facebook Fools – More Stupid Criminals

Facebook Idiot

Just when you think criminals couldn’t get any stupider, along comes Facebook to prove us wrong.

Coral Springs, Florida – It’s stupid enough to commit a crime that yields no financial reward, but contains an element of risk, right? But then, compound that stupidity by advertising it to the world, thus ensuring you will be caught. This guy obviously has an IQ that qualifies him for political office!

Meet future U.S. Senator, Steven Mulhall, 21, of Coral Springs, Florida. This intellectual giant decided to steal a nameplate off the door of a Judge’s courtroom door and then post it on his girlfriend’s Facebook page.

Mulhall posted the photograph of himself holding the stolen nameplate, which was pried from the door of Broward Circuit Judge Michael Orlando courtroom on Natalie Coma Toze Segura Facebook account, according to arrest records.

“The nameplate is like only $40, not that big of a crime, but what an idiot. He puts it on Facebook,” said Broward County Sheriff Al Lamberti. “Here he is flaunting it on Facebook. He violated the terms of his parole by stealing, from a judge he appeared before no less. He’s got multiple convictions for petty theft, so now this is a felony.”

Lamberti said deputies picked up Mulhall after verifying the suspect had appeared before judge Orlando. The judge’s nameplate was pried from the door around Feb. 23, according to the arrest report. A tip to Broward Crime Stoppers led authorities to Mulhall.

“The tipster gave us his address, name and the Facebook page,” Lamberti said.

Facebook – Idiots Welcome!

Cali, Colombia – Home of the Cali cartel, the infamous drug gang known for their ruthless and savage ways. You’d think criminals would be a little smarter down there, after all they’ve had a lot of practice right?

Well, in the neighborhood of Calima, north of the city of Cali, two morons decided to rob an internet cafe. Perhaps they should stick to businesses without internet access in the future.

Before drawing their weapons, they logged into their Facebook accounts to update their status, but forgot to log out! They rented two computers and browsed the internet before taking out their guns and robbing the place.

The cafe manager called the police, who arrived and discovered the Facebook account still open in the computer used by one of the idiots. From there it was easy to get his address and the cops were waiting when he got home. He’s now serving time in the local jail and his Facebook status has been updated from “single” to “in a….ah….how do we put this…..relationship”

Gresham, Oregon – A 14-year-old boy, whose name was withheld due to his age, critically injured another driver in a hit-and-run crash. If that wasn’t stupid enough, he went home and posted on his Facebook page “somehow the police haven’t found me yet”.

Oops! Oregon cops credit that status update with being able to locate and apprehend the 14-year-old.

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Random, Brutal Attacks Are On The Rise

A Disturbing New Trend

Awareness of your surroundings, is probably the most important factor to avoid becoming the victim of an assault, robbery or any other street crime. A person who shows awareness and confidence isn’t an easy target and therefore most criminals will simply look for another victim.

However, there has been a troubling trend in the last year taking hold in cities across America, that may negate the benefits of awareness. Brazen assaults are taking place, involving groups of young men outnumbering and overwhelming their victims. These attacks are often taking place in broad daylight in busy areas with other people and witnesses nearby. The most disturbing aspect of these attacks? They are taking place for no reason other than for fun! Often times victims are not robbed, just beaten up.

Baltimore, Maryland – A recent example of this is a story involving a man fighting for his life in a Baltimore hospital. John Mason, a 32-year-old tattoo artist, was viciously attacked in downtown Baltimore last Friday afternoon, November 2nd. He sustained some serious head injuries and doctors have put him into a medically induced coma.

The attack took place at 1:30 in the afternoon. According to a witness, there were eight attackers and they didn’t appear to know the victim.

“Twice, he kept telling them he didn’t want to fight. He didn’t want to fight,” the witness said. “They didn’t care.”

“They didn’t know him at all. They was just looking for trouble,” he said.

He says it happened at the bus stop and one of the attackers kicked Mason more than a dozen times.

“At this point, it’s unclear what the motive was. We’re looking at a variety of possibilities.” said Anthony Guglielmi, Baltimore City Police spokesperson.

Police are looking through images from the many surveillance cameras located in the downtown area. This attack comes on the heals of the beating of a tourist earlier this year that was caught on video and got national attention.

There is no amount of awareness that can protect you from something like this. It’s time for Americans to seriously consider some form of personal protection. A small handgun is obviously the best option, especially when facing multiple attackers.

However, many people are uncomfortable with carrying a gun. An excellent alternative is a fogger pepper spray. This type of spray creates a fog barrier to prevent an attacker from getting close. It also works pretty well against multiple attackers.

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Women In Beirut Stock Up On Pepper Spray, Stun Guns

The Crime Ridden Streets Of Beirut

Beirut, Lebanon – For years, Beirut has had a reputation as a dangerous place. The smoldering burned out cars, neighborhoods of dilapidated buildings, streets of rubble and Muslim terrorists have really put a damper on on the tourism industry.

Take all of those negatives and throw in the fact that the prevailing culture and religion permit, and perhaps even sanction violence against women and you have a recipe for disaster.

This helps to explain why women in Beirut have taken matters into their own hands. They’ve taken it upon themselves to be responsible for their own protection. Women are buying up self defense products like pepper spray and stun guns in record numbers.

Shop owners are starting to see personal protection devices like key-chain pepper sprays, 1 million volt stun guns disguised as cell phones fly off the shelves.

The security situation is already less than sub par in the country and recently, reports of increased harassment of women has many females on edge and living in fear.

One shop owner, who prefers to remain anonymous for fear of reprisals from criminals, says that between pepper spray and stun guns he is currently selling about 30 defensive weapons for women per week; although, he adds, “it is usually guys buying them for their girlfriends or wives.”

Many women have been attacked in broad daylight and in full view of witnesses. Women who have purchased personal protection devices say they feel empowered and no longer live in constant fear when walking to the local market or running errands.

Self defense classes have also been seeing record attendance in recent months.

This story illustrates why it’s important for people, especially women, to take control of their own self defense. Even in a law-abiding country like the U.S. the Police can’t be everywhere and protect everyone. So it’s important for people to realize that they need to have a plan when confronted with a threat. That plan should include efforts at prevention like awareness and avoidance. However a good plan should also include efforts at self protection like martial arts training, pepper spray, a good handgun or some other form of protection.

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More Stupid Criminals

Father and Son Morons

British Colombia, Canada – Jesse Blue West and his son Dustin Moir, were arrested for murder. These geniuses spoke openly in the back of a police van about the murder and who should take the fall while knowing they were being taped.

“Watch what you’re saying, we’re being recorded,” said West, as they continued to discuss the crime in detail!. The case is being tried as we speak, but it doesn’t look good for these two buffoons.

No Getaway Car? Ask Your Victim To Call You A Cab

Staten Island, New York – Ronald Baker, 19, and an accomplice knocked on the door of an elderly couple and forced their way in when they opened the door. The criminals brandished a gun, and Baker forced the couple to the ground, and did the same to their daughter when she came downstairs.

The suspects ransacked the house, taking four watches, jewelry, a knife and an undisclosed amount of cash, whose total value exceeded $15,00. Before leaving, the suspects got the name of a cab company from the victims and called for a car to pick them up.

The victims had been shut in a closet “secured by a chair” but they managed to get out. They called police, who then contacted the cab company.

The Police were waiting for Baker at his destination and they caught him after a brief chase. Baker was charged with burglary and robbery, and his accomplice was caught later.

Zachary Pace

Pinson Alabama – 24-year-old Zackary Pace left Jack’s Restaurant after his shift ended, only to return minutes later in a pathetic attempt to rob the place. After finishing his shift he returned almost immediately armed with a gun, a mask on his face and wearing the same clothes he had on when he left! Apparently he didn’t fool any of his co workers.

His attempt at disguising his voice was apparently so bad that his co-workers told him to stop joking. Pace got away with an undisclosed amount of money, but his stupidity doesn’t end here. He showed up to work the next day as if nothing happened, just as police were conducting interviews about the robbery. He was arrested and charged with first degree robbery.

Click here to purchase self defense products to protect yourself from stupid criminals.

Women In Kolkata, India Choose Pepper Spray For Self-Defense

Pepper Spray is popular in India

One thing Piyali Ghosh, a marketing professional, never forgets to carry these days is her trustworthy pepper spray. She is one among the thousands of working women in the city who stay out till late night and feel the need for a safety device that is handy and effective.

Following the spurt in rape cases in the city, more women are putting their faith in pepper sprays for self-defense. In the last six months, the sale of these sprays has shot up by more than four times here.

“The Cobra Pepper Spray was launched six months ago. Priced at Rs. 499, we were initially selling about 50-60 cans a month. Now, it has shot up to 200 – 300 cans,” said Anmol Arora, director of the Calcutta Chemical Corporation.

Businessman V Jain bought the spray for his 22-year-old daughter since she travels long distances regularly. “With crimes against women on the rise in the city, I bought two cans for my daughter. She keeps one in her bag and the other in her car,” he said.

Each canister weighs about 35gm and is good for 5-6 sprays. It can take down eight to 10 people at a time. Although the spray does not harm the person permanently, his eyes keep burning for a couple of hours.

Although it is called pepper powder, the main ingredient is a chemical derived from a fruit from the chilli group which causes a burning sensation. It goes way back to the 1980s when it was first used by the US postal service to scare away dogs. In India, it was introduced a few years ago.

A shop owner at Metro Plaza said, “A few months ago we used to sell five cans. Now, we easily sell 60 cans.”

“We only hear about these sprays, but they aren’t available in the stores. The spray is good to scare away criminals,” said Jadavpur University student Ankita Ghosh.

Congratulations to officials in India for allowing their citizens to protect themselves. Too bad Great Britain and Australia still prevent their citizen from carrying self defense products. Maybe after more of their citizens are victimized, the politicians will see the error of their ways…..but we’re not holding our breath!

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Stuck In A/C Shaft, Hidden Cell Phone and Fake ID Fail. It’s Stupid Criminals!

Richard Anthony Smith


Thief Gets Stuck in Air Conditioning Shaft, Then Calls 911

Knoxville Tennessee – This is Richard Anthony Smith, 25, who called Knoxville cops to report a man who got trapped in an air conditioning shaft of a local museum. The man trapped in the A/C shaft? Himself!

Yep, Einstein got stuck while breaking and entering and called cops for help while concocting a lame story to justify why he was there.

From the roof, cops and firefighters found him stuck 50 feet down, in the ducts of the building’s ventilation system. He told police he was there to “defuse and confiscate” a Soviet-made nuclear warhead. Must have been part of some super secret government covert operation.

When he was arrested on charges of robbery he was overheard by cops saying, “”Mission failed.” You can’t make this stuff up!

Cell Phone Up the Rectum

Anyone see my blue tooth?

Austin, Texas – Another day, another cell phone in the rectum on death row story.

Prison officials conducting a routine shakedown of death row inmates, made a disturbing and disgusting discovery; a cell phone hidden inside the rectum of convicted murderer Henry Skinner.

Here is how it went down; During the shakedown two SIM ards were discovered in Skinner’s bible. SIM cards but no cell phone, naturally raised a red flag. Because Skinner had previously shown a propensity to …..Ahh…. be creative while hiding contraband, officials took him to the infirmary to run an X-ray.

There was no indication of how the cell phone was retrieved or who had to go and get it. Hopefully someone with very small hands?

Notice anything wrong?

Jackson, Mississippi – Meet Mario Andreas Gonzales Martinez. He’s just your typical 9 – 5 hard working guy who decided he needed to supplement his income to make ends meet. So, showing his entrepreneurial spirit, he came up with a great ID theft money making plan.

The Plan

Step 1 – Steal someone’s identity, get an ID made and open a bank account using said ID.
Step 2 – Steal someone’s checkbook, write check to stolen identity, deposit funds and withdraw the cash.

Sounds great on paper but this genius never made it past step one. He had a fake ID made, that actually looked genuine except for one little flaw; the photo. A driver’s license photo generally only has a photo of the person listed on the license! Mario used a photo of himself posing with his girlfriend. You gotta give credit to poor Mario for creativity but never underestimate a man’s stupidity!

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