Apex Self Defense

Protecting the world from miscreants and scum

Stuck In A/C Shaft, Hidden Cell Phone and Fake ID Fail. It’s Stupid Criminals!

Richard Anthony Smith


Thief Gets Stuck in Air Conditioning Shaft, Then Calls 911

Knoxville Tennessee – This is Richard Anthony Smith, 25, who called Knoxville cops to report a man who got trapped in an air conditioning shaft of a local museum. The man trapped in the A/C shaft? Himself!

Yep, Einstein got stuck while breaking and entering and called cops for help while concocting a lame story to justify why he was there.

From the roof, cops and firefighters found him stuck 50 feet down, in the ducts of the building’s ventilation system. He told police he was there to “defuse and confiscate” a Soviet-made nuclear warhead. Must have been part of some super secret government covert operation.

When he was arrested on charges of robbery he was overheard by cops saying, “”Mission failed.” You can’t make this stuff up!

Cell Phone Up the Rectum

Anyone see my blue tooth?

Austin, Texas – Another day, another cell phone in the rectum on death row story.

Prison officials conducting a routine shakedown of death row inmates, made a disturbing and disgusting discovery; a cell phone hidden inside the rectum of convicted murderer Henry Skinner.

Here is how it went down; During the shakedown two SIM ards were discovered in Skinner’s bible. SIM cards but no cell phone, naturally raised a red flag. Because Skinner had previously shown a propensity to …..Ahh…. be creative while hiding contraband, officials took him to the infirmary to run an X-ray.

There was no indication of how the cell phone was retrieved or who had to go and get it. Hopefully someone with very small hands?

Notice anything wrong?

Jackson, Mississippi – Meet Mario Andreas Gonzales Martinez. He’s just your typical 9 – 5 hard working guy who decided he needed to supplement his income to make ends meet. So, showing his entrepreneurial spirit, he came up with a great ID theft money making plan.

The Plan

Step 1 – Steal someone’s identity, get an ID made and open a bank account using said ID.
Step 2 – Steal someone’s checkbook, write check to stolen identity, deposit funds and withdraw the cash.

Sounds great on paper but this genius never made it past step one. He had a fake ID made, that actually looked genuine except for one little flaw; the photo. A driver’s license photo generally only has a photo of the person listed on the license! Mario used a photo of himself posing with his girlfriend. You gotta give credit to poor Mario for creativity but never underestimate a man’s stupidity!

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