Apex Self Defense

Protecting the world from miscreants and scum

McMarijuana, Criminal farting and a dude named Goldilocks

There’s only one thing we love more than crazy mug shots, stupid criminals!

If I had a second brain, it’d die of loneliness

Man Accused of Paying for Fast Food With Pot
VERO BEACH, Fla. — The history of bartering can be traced back to 6000 BC. It is believed the barter system was introduced by the tribes of Mesopotamia. The Aztecs bartered crops and other goods with neighboring villages and cities. In the old west, animal furs were traded for food or other goods. And then there was Shawn Pannullo, who attempted to barter with a McDonald’s cashier.

Mr. Pannullo apparently thought he could trade a dime bag of cannabis for a Big Mac value meal. A McDonald’s cashier called police after Pannullo went through the drive-thru allegedly offering to pay for his meal with marijuana.

Police arrested him at his home. He denied the accusations, claiming he’d been at home for the last three days studying for a an upcoming urine test for a job interview. They arrested him on the spot.

Did somebody step on a duck?

Man Accused of Criminal Farting
West Virgina – While being booked for a DUI, Jose Cruz didn’t have any pepper spray to use on police. So he improvised, unleashing his own natural, but nasty brand of tear gas. Police say Jose Cruz passed gas on an officer and now faces an additional battery charge.

You can’t make this stuff up. According to the police report, without warning Cruz allegedly “lifted his leg and passed gas loudly” on said cop and “then fanned the air with his hand in front of his rear onto the cop.”

The complaint filed goes on to say, “The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature”.

Cruz’s public defender will attempt to blame the cops by claiming they pulled his finger, thereby causing the noxious gas to escape.

Who’s been eating my porridge?

Goldilocks Burglar
BILLINGS, Mont – A real-life Goldilocks has been charged with burglary after he broke into a home, ate some cheese from the refrigerator, made a mess in a bathroom and fell asleep on a child’s bed. A Montana woman says she was awaken by the sound of snoring coming from her 2-year-old son’s bedroom and found accused burglar Tracy Mullins.

Mullins, 47, was arrested for allegedly breaking into the woman’s home, eating, using the bathroom, and falling asleep.

A word of advise to young upcoming burglars; When burglarizing a house, remember to leave when you are done! Also, take some pride in what you do, if you are going to eat out of your victims refrigerator make it worth you while! Prime rib, lobster tail or fine wines are great, but cheese? Really, that’s the best you can do? You’re a disgrace to your profession.

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