Apex Self Defense

Protecting the world from miscreants and scum

Stupid Criminal All-Stars

We love stupid criminals, so here is our latest installment, enjoy!

Is That A Pair Of Socks, Or Are You Happy To See Me?

Obesity, Nudity, a Stun Gun and ...Socks?

Meet the new Walmart Greeter! An obese southeastern Pennsylvania man was arrested after cops say he walked, bare-naked into a Walmart and stole a pair of socks. And what naked man wants to walk around bare foot? After all, Walmart has a policy against bare feet in it’s stores!

Thirty-two-year-old Verdon Lamont Taylor was arrested after police say he stripped off his clothes in the parking lot and went inside.

Surveillance footage shows the 6-foot-4, 300-pound man strolling around the store. Authorities were forced to use a stun gun to subdue him after he refused to comply with officers’ orders. No word yet on where the stun gun was used on the suspect, but we can only hope it was someplace…….well, other than down there! Ouch! Hurts just thinking about it!

Facebook Fail

Facebook Is a Magnet For Stupid Criminals

This next guy makes naked/sock guy seem like a rocket scientist. A 19-year-old male broke into a home in West Virginia. While rummaging through the house looking for goodies, he realized he hadn’t updated his Facebook status recently, so……drum roll please, he figured, no better time than the present! It doesn’t take a genius to see where this is going.

When the homeowners arrived home, later that evening they discovered some valuables missing. They called 911, and while waiting for the police to arrive, went to their computer to let friends on Facebook know what happened. Well, the genius robber never logged out of his account! There was his personal info for everyone to see, including cops! The man was arrested, convicted of grand theft and is now spending time in prison getting poked, by his new friends.

Electricity and Gas Fumes…A Pleasant Combination!

Daniel Wood - The Human Torch!

Daniel Wood, started the night like any other Tuesday; inhaling some aerosol cans, huffing some gas fumes and running around in traffic. But this wasn’t just your run-of-the-mill artificially induced high, fire breathing, dodging Honda’s and Chevy’s type of night!

After eluding cops and on-coming traffic, the police decided to put an end to his shenanigans by using their taser to subdue him. Unfortunately for Daniel, the electrical charge from a taser and the fumes from the gas he inhaled mixed like oil and water, or more accurately like gas and electricity!

Predictably, Daniel caught on fire and the cops had to put him out and take him to the hospital for burns. A hospital spokesman stated that the burns were only superficial and Daniel would back to normal in no time. We would like to remind you that “normal” is a highly subjective term!

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