Apex Self Defense

Protecting the world from miscreants and scum

Crazy Mug Shots

Stupid criminals give us more bog materiel than we could ever use, but we also enjoy a good mug as much as the next guy. These are old but funny nonetheless. Enjoy!

Will The Real Sméagol Please Stand Up?

Must Have The Precious!

Hey Gollum, don't bend over for the soap!

According to the police report, Gollum is accused of a variety of crimes including, petty theft, public nudity, unpaid parking tickets, and attempted mass murder and mayhem. Gollum’s royalties from the Lord Of The Rings Trilogy have run out and he’s obviously fallen on hard times. His celebrity status has faded, and acting gigs for impish creatures have all but dried up due to the down economy.

Recently, he’d been spotted on Hollywood boulevard dining out at trash receptacles of swanky, high priced Thai food bistros. A far cry from his days living in the lap of luxury in Middle Earth living off the the land in the swamps and caves of Mordor. Rumor has it he’d recently tried to pawn some stolen, gold jewelry. From the looks of the mug shot, he’s really let himself go. Such a shame!

Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the Dark Side!

I'm not an alcoholic! I'm a drunk! Alcholics go to meetings!

The Emperor Has No Clothes!

Emperor Palpatine was arrested recently by Los Angeles Police on a charge of public intoxication. His failed plans of world domination had lead him into a downward spiral of alcoholism, self-loathing and bouts of public nudity.

When the Death Star was destroyed by rebel forces, he became homeless, forced to live on the streets.

He recently became involved in the Occupy L.A. Movement and at the time of his arrest was sleeping in a tent at city hall. He was arrested while urinating on a police dog and singing show tunes.

Apparently the dark side of the force leads to jail, and some huge bags under the eyes.

Who Would’ve Thought…Butt-Head Turned Out To Be The Responsible One!

Uh.............Huh, huh, huh.

We went back to the archives to dig this one up, an oldie but goodie. 2003, in this bizarre case of life intimating art, a real life Beavis, of Beavis and Butt-Head fame, was arrested for residential burglary.

"Where's Butt-Head?"

Meet Cris Kemp, 37 years old, who broke into a home, pocketed some Christmas money, dressed up in women’s clothing and preceded to move some kitchen appliances around. When confronted by the home owner he was wearing a leopard skin hat and scarf. That, in and of itself could get a man arrested in 8 states.

The homeowner, Carlos Castillo, used a stick as an improvised self defense weapon and entered the house to investigate. He ordered Kemp to sit down and wait for police, and surprisingly he complied without incident. Kemp’s clothes were found strewn around the house. “Hey Butt-Head, mug shots are cool…huh huh, huh!”

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2 thoughts on “Crazy Mug Shots

  1. David on said:

    The Gollum mug shot is hilarious! She’s a dead ringer for him. Funny article!

  2. CriminalMassWorder on said:


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