Apex Self Defense

Protecting the world from miscreants and scum

Archive for the category “Mug Shots”

Funny Mug Shot T-Shirts

Some of the funniest mugs we’ve ever seen, usually include some moron wearing a hilarious T-shirt. So here they are, some of the best t-shirts ever in a mug shot;

Super Freak!

Subject: Craig T. Wellington
Crime: Petty Theft, Public intoxication
Profile: Dating Rick James?

Craig apparently thought it was a good idea to steal a case of Red Bull from the back of an unattended delivery truck on a dare from a friend. Is it any surprise that alcohol was a factor in this equation?

Unfortunately for him, getting arrested was just the beginning of his problems. Next time, Craig may think twice about his wardrobe decisions when he leaves the house. As a rule of thumb, you never want to give the wrong impression about your sexuality to a group of men who’ve been locked up without any female companionship for months or years at a time.

Although, Rick James passed away in 2006, I’m sure someone in prison will be more than willing to take his place. Don’t bend over for the soap Craig!

Idiot

You Can’t Fix Stupid

Subject: Laurence McGee
Crime: Indecent Exposure, Drug Possession
Profile: Placed 2nd in a 1978 Leif Garrett look-alike contest

Laurence had no idea how prophetic those words on his tee shirt were, one fateful night last August. The night started like any other Friday night for a swinging single dude, living in Seattle. Rush hour commute in traffic, a quick bite to eat, shower and shave and a trip to his dealer to buy some Rohypnol.

Laurence apparently had a fondness for the ladies that was not reciprocal. So this hopeless romantic decided he needed some help….chemically. He purchased the date rape drug, Rohypnol or Ruffies to help improve his odds of success.

He went to a local bar and met a potential prospect. When she wasn’t looking he slipped the date rape drug into her drink, or so he thought. Apparently he’d unknowingly put the Ruffies into his own drink by mistake. By the time police arrived he was in the parking lot, laying on the hood of a Honda Civic without any pants!

Luckily for us, mug shots are only from the waist up! Maybe we should introduce him to the Rick James guy?

Is His Title In Jeopardy?

Is His Title In Jeopardy?

Subject: Daniel Allen Everett
Crime: Sex Offender
Profile: Reigning “Worlds Greatest Dad” International Champion

Daniel Allen Everett, is not only the reigning “Worlds Greatest Dad” he is also a child predator who was arrested after attempting to have sex with a 14 year-old girl…..while wearing his World’s greatest dad shirt!!

It’s unclear how this will affect his chances at defending his title, but it definitely won’t help.

Daniel went from being a world champ, to an internet laughing stock overnight. Well Daniel, look at the bright side…You may have lost the World’s greatest dad title, but you’ve got a shot at World’s Stupidest Criminal.

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Stuck In A/C Shaft, Hidden Cell Phone and Fake ID Fail. It’s Stupid Criminals!

Richard Anthony Smith


Thief Gets Stuck in Air Conditioning Shaft, Then Calls 911

Knoxville Tennessee - This is Richard Anthony Smith, 25, who called Knoxville cops to report a man who got trapped in an air conditioning shaft of a local museum. The man trapped in the A/C shaft? Himself!

Yep, Einstein got stuck while breaking and entering and called cops for help while concocting a lame story to justify why he was there.

From the roof, cops and firefighters found him stuck 50 feet down, in the ducts of the building’s ventilation system. He told police he was there to “defuse and confiscate” a Soviet-made nuclear warhead. Must have been part of some super secret government covert operation.

When he was arrested on charges of robbery he was overheard by cops saying, “”Mission failed.” You can’t make this stuff up!

Cell Phone Up the Rectum

Anyone see my blue tooth?

Austin, Texas - Another day, another cell phone in the rectum on death row story.

Prison officials conducting a routine shakedown of death row inmates, made a disturbing and disgusting discovery; a cell phone hidden inside the rectum of convicted murderer Henry Skinner.

Here is how it went down; During the shakedown two SIM ards were discovered in Skinner’s bible. SIM cards but no cell phone, naturally raised a red flag. Because Skinner had previously shown a propensity to …..Ahh…. be creative while hiding contraband, officials took him to the infirmary to run an X-ray.

There was no indication of how the cell phone was retrieved or who had to go and get it. Hopefully someone with very small hands?

Notice anything wrong?

Jackson, Mississippi - Meet Mario Andreas Gonzales Martinez. He’s just your typical 9 – 5 hard working guy who decided he needed to supplement his income to make ends meet. So, showing his entrepreneurial spirit, he came up with a great ID theft money making plan.

The Plan

Step 1 - Steal someone’s identity, get an ID made and open a bank account using said ID.
Step 2 – Steal someone’s checkbook, write check to stolen identity, deposit funds and withdraw the cash.

Sounds great on paper but this genius never made it past step one. He had a fake ID made, that actually looked genuine except for one little flaw; the photo. A driver’s license photo generally only has a photo of the person listed on the license! Mario used a photo of himself posing with his girlfriend. You gotta give credit to poor Mario for creativity but never underestimate a man’s stupidity!

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Stupid Criminals & Celebrity Mug Shot Look Alikes

If your school fight song is”Dueling Banjos”, you might be a redneck.

Joe-Bob MaGee

Siloam Springs Arkansas - Meet Joe-Bob MaGee from Arkansas. Joe-Bob has the unique honor of reaching two milestones; He has been married three times but still has the same in-laws and he happens to be a dead ringer for the banjo playing boy from Deliverance. Remember Deliverance? It was the movie about the four men who travel into the mountains and…ah…become acquainted with some good ole’ boys?

Deliverance Kid

Joe was arrested for residential burglary. He allegedly broke into a mobile home in the trailer park where he lives! Some of the items taken? A set of six Hank Williams 8-tracks, a stuffed squirrel, a siphon hose, and three packages of beef jerky.

Police were able to track him by following a set of shoe prints to his trailer. There was a heavy rainstorm the night before and the ground was still pretty muddy, thus preserving the tracks. I guess everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

KISS your freedom good-bye!

Eddie Deluccio

Los Angeles California - This is Eddie Deluccio, who just happens to look a lot like Gene Simmons from the rock band KISS. Eddie isn’t the smartest criminal around.

Eddie stole about fifty thousand dollars worth of gold coins from the trunk of a car. The coins belonged to a local coin dealer who was in route to a coin show and left them in his vehicle. Eddie appeared to have gotten away with it as the police had no leads and no finger prints.

Gene Simmons

Then Eddie went and did something stupid, he got arrested for a drunken bar fight. After he was arrested, he feared police might suspect him in the coin robbery. In a panic, he used the pay phone in the jail cell to call his accomplice and ordered him to “…get rid of the rest of the coins…now!”

Unfortunately for poor Eddie, he didn’t realize that jail cells are under constant surveillance and jail house phone calls are monitored and recorded. Well it didn’t take long for the police to put two and two together and realize which coins he was talking about. They traced the call, and located the accomplice and coins. Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Lucius Alexander

Need A Post-It Note?

Newark, New Jersey - Meet Lucius Alexander, petty thief, alcoholic and a Carrot Top look-alike. Lucius was arrested for perhaps the stupidest theft of all time, stealing 20,000 Post-It Notes?!?!

Do you know anyone who needs 20,000 Post-It Notes?

Well, apparently Lucius believed he could make a killing selling them, so he broke into a warehouse where they were stored and make off with a boatload of them. Oh it seemed like the perfect crime…until it was time to sell them.

Carrot Top

Lucius fancied himself an entrepreneur, so he set up a booth at a local flea market and tried to unload his new found inventory. Lucius sure didn’t think things through because the flea market was just two blocks from the scene of the crime and the burglary made all the local papers and the evening newscast.

Police reported no fewer than 23 calls that day from flea market shoppers who had heard about the heist. Witnesses say that when Lucius was arrested he was crying like a baby, all while proclaiming his innocence. God must love stupid people. He made SO many of them!

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Piggly Wiggly Bandit

An obese woman steals bacon and cheese from a Piggly Wiggly. Sometimes reality is funnier than reality TV.

Got any Bacon and Cheese?

Georgia – Back in May, An obese woman, Lonneshia Shafaye Appling, 26, apparently stole some bacon and cheese for her Atkins diet, from a Clarke County Piggly Wiggly and then used pepper spray to assault employees who chased her.

A customer noticed Appling hide some items in a canvas bag in her shopping cart, then pay for just one item at the checkout counter. When employees tried to stop her at the exit, she discharged her pepper spray into one of the employees’ face.

It gets better.

As she fled the store on foot, employees engaged in a slow speed pursuit (She is 340 pounds). Running at a full sprint, she realized the employees were gaining ground on her, despite the fact that they were walking at a causal pace. Hoping to lighten her load and gain some speed, she dropped a few stolen beer cans from her purse. When they caught up with Appling and spoke with her in an attempt to detain her for police, she punched one of the workers, then spit in his face. Hopefully this was before she consumed the bacon and cheese. She even offered them cash if they would let her go.

This wasn’t her first brush with the law, she was arrested in January for shoplifting at an store in Madison County. When the officer tried to take Appling into custody, she started taking her clothes off and told the officer she had AIDS.

As the officer struggled to cuff the…ah…..large woman, Appling continued her striptease until she was completely naked. She broke free from the officer, who eventually subdued her with a taser.

Appling is a sad example of what is becoming of our once proud nation; selfish, lazy, fat, apathetic, and a sense of entitlement.

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Stupid Chip Criminals

We love stupid criminals. We also love potato chips. So what could be better than combining the two? Enjoy!

Cheetos Assault

Take a Cheetos break

Tennessee – We’re not exactly sure what happened, or even if the event in question occurred at a trailer park. But the police report indicated a domestic dispute between James Earl Taylor, 40, and Mary Childers, after an argument over the reality show “Redneck island” evolved into a physical assault.
The physical altercation apparently involved Orange Cheese Puffs, that fact is not in dispute. However, it’s unclear whether the improvised weapon in question was Crunchy Cheetos, Cheetos Puffs or the Flamin’ Hot Variety.

Frito Lay?

Chips For Sex
Oklahoma – Lahoma Sue Smith of Oklahoma pleaded guilty to a prostitution charge for accepting a box of Frito-Lay chips in exchange for oral sex. According to an Oklahoma City Police Department report, Faron Ray Johnson told cops that he informed Smith that he did not have any money, but that she ‘agreed to give him sex for a box of chips.’ Johnson, a Frito-Lay employee, provided Smith with a case of chips he valued at $30.

I’d do just about anything for a bag of Sweet Maui Onion, but this is ridiculous.

Chips and Dip
WASHINGTON, Pa. — Police followed a trail of potato chips to catch a Pennsylvania burglary suspect.

Nobody can steal just one!

Washington police say 21-year-old Benjamin Sickles was arrested after he broke into a Subway restaurant and stole several bags of snacks. Not simply content to take his new found booty home to snack on later, he ate while he walked, leaving a trail of chips as he went.

Cops say the mental giant broke a glass door before trying to unsuccessfully open the cash register. He then made off with nine bags of chips after he couldn’t get to the cash.

Officers followed a trail of chip bags to Sickles residence. He was hold up in the house, so cops lured him out with sour cream and onion dip. He had a bloody hand and foot when he was taken into custody after police drew their Tasers.

Oh Canada
Saanich, B.C. – A couple of drunk university students stole Zellers brand BBQ – flavored chips out of a woman’s garage in Saanich, B.C.

We Always Get Our Chip Thief

The female students were drinking and heading to the University of Victoria when they passed an open garage and noticed the chips inside. The owner, who was alerted to their presence by her barking Chihuahua, heard the chip bandits and called the police.

According to police, the chip thieves motivation was the fact that Zellers is closing it’s doors for good in October and these chips are particularly good.

“I haven’t tried these for myself, but my understanding is that particular brand of barbeque is quite tasty,” said Sgt. Dean Jantzen of the Saanich Police as he tried to keep a straight face. “Apparently there had been some elicit chip tasting.”

Jantzen couldn’t keep his laughter suppressed any longer and after one question laughed saying, “These are first time chip offenders.”

You can’t make this stuff up.

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Celebrity Mug Shot Look-Alikes

More Cowbell!

Creepy Chris

Slightly Less Creepy Chris

Anyone familiar with the acting career of Christopher Walken, knows that he often portrays some very disturbing characters in his films. But when a real dude, who just happens to be a dead ringer for Chris, gets arrested for some Walkenesque creepy behavior, it makes one wonder; Is this art imitating life or life imitating art?

In April of 2011, New Jersey resident, Tony Kadyhrob was arrested and banned from several local universities for stalking college women. That is, until one of them showed of her self defense skills and took him down.

Tony fancies himself a ladies man and apparently believes that a middle age man with a bad mustache can be a babe magnet. Funny, that sounds a lot like the reoccurring character that Walken played on the “Saturday Night Live” skit called “The Continental”.

Victorious

Sikowitz

Psycho wits

OK now this one is weird. If you have kids, you’ve probably seen the Nickelodeon show “Victorious”. Sikowitz is one of the teachers on the show.

Not sure why anyone would want to look like this intentionally, even for an acting gig. It’s strange enough to find one guy in the entire universe with that hairdo, but two? Are you kidding?

Having a bad hairdo is not a crime, but neither of these two are scoring any brownie points with the Fashion Police either. I think this guy actually had straight hair until cops subdued him with a Taser.

Pippi!!!

Mr. Nilsson!

Pippi Longstocking

Well, speaking of bad hair……..You really have to wonder, what adult in their right mind would want to look like Pippi Longstocking? Especially a guy? What was this dude thinking? This guy will be very popular in prison. And what’s up with that shirt?

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Crazy Mug Shots

Stupid criminals give us more bog materiel than we could ever use, but we also enjoy a good mug as much as the next guy. These are old but funny nonetheless. Enjoy!

Will The Real Sméagol Please Stand Up?

Must Have The Precious!

Hey Gollum, don't bend over for the soap!

According to the police report, Gollum is accused of a variety of crimes including, petty theft, public nudity, unpaid parking tickets, and attempted mass murder and mayhem. Gollum’s royalties from the Lord Of The Rings Trilogy have run out and he’s obviously fallen on hard times. His celebrity status has faded, and acting gigs for impish creatures have all but dried up due to the down economy.

Recently, he’d been spotted on Hollywood boulevard dining out at trash receptacles of swanky, high priced Thai food bistros. A far cry from his days living in the lap of luxury in Middle Earth living off the the land in the swamps and caves of Mordor. Rumor has it he’d recently tried to pawn some stolen, gold jewelry. From the looks of the mug shot, he’s really let himself go. Such a shame!

Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the Dark Side!

I'm not an alcoholic! I'm a drunk! Alcholics go to meetings!

The Emperor Has No Clothes!

Emperor Palpatine was arrested recently by Los Angeles Police on a charge of public intoxication. His failed plans of world domination had lead him into a downward spiral of alcoholism, self-loathing and bouts of public nudity.

When the Death Star was destroyed by rebel forces, he became homeless, forced to live on the streets.

He recently became involved in the Occupy L.A. Movement and at the time of his arrest was sleeping in a tent at city hall. He was arrested while urinating on a police dog and singing show tunes.

Apparently the dark side of the force leads to jail, and some huge bags under the eyes.

Who Would’ve Thought…Butt-Head Turned Out To Be The Responsible One!

Uh.............Huh, huh, huh.

We went back to the archives to dig this one up, an oldie but goodie. 2003, in this bizarre case of life intimating art, a real life Beavis, of Beavis and Butt-Head fame, was arrested for residential burglary.

"Where's Butt-Head?"

Meet Cris Kemp, 37 years old, who broke into a home, pocketed some Christmas money, dressed up in women’s clothing and preceded to move some kitchen appliances around. When confronted by the home owner he was wearing a leopard skin hat and scarf. That, in and of itself could get a man arrested in 8 states.

The homeowner, Carlos Castillo, used a stick as an improvised self defense weapon and entered the house to investigate. He ordered Kemp to sit down and wait for police, and surprisingly he complied without incident. Kemp’s clothes were found strewn around the house. “Hey Butt-Head, mug shots are cool…huh huh, huh!”

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